Growth and past hood

Life is tough, though no matter what life is your choices created by your decision. When you are in that childhood pastime a lot of things did not happen for you you know and some of the things that did happen did not make you like someone else. It made you be deeper into you like me

I never got recognized for the happiness and the enthusiasm that I have as a child as a grown up I don’t get that so it doesn’t bother me when somebody is not happy that I’m happy. It bothers me when someone is unhappy and makes me the cause of their unhappiness. I believe my family has nothing to do with who I am today though I do believe my family has everything to do with who I’ve decided not to be today. So if I’m not going to double check if I should smile this way or be this quiet or be more ecstatic it’s because what I’m doing is good enough for me.

I refuse to be a you could have type or you should have type no I am I did type I will type I am going type because should is behind me could is behind me I did I done it’s currently I will is futurely so I want to live in the current going towards my future we calling my past my childhood to make sure that I let individuals know that hey if I should change in an area I should have to speak about what happened in this area during my existence. From there I will know how to proceed. Though I realize that no matter how I proceed I’m going to choose me. I am loyal to my life, I am loving who I am, I trust who I decide to be.

I believe my family should never be blamed for who I am though by all means you could blame anybody you want to for who I am not if I am not this person that people think is on 10 with happiness soft girl era and hugs and being the brightest of the bunch again yeah blame our family but then also blame yourself for not going to find who you want to be around blame yourself for trying to turn someone into something they’ve never been blame yourself for meeting someone and not accepting who they are because you want someone better than who they are but you won’t go find someone better that matches you what you already want from them..

No one wants to go to Build-A-Bear and build a person we’ve seen it so many times even parents don’t want to build their kids up to be the perfect kid !
It happens even parents like me wants to give their kids to other people so they can have a kid that they cannot have !!!__ that made me realize that I was the type of person to give my last to someone just because they couldn’t even have a last that I’m about to give them!!!  that let me know what type of person I was when it came to last __that never would make me feel like I’m going to be stuck in last place,  but it also made me realize how many places I am last in !!!                In other people’s existence compared to who else they have in their lineup ((well there’s family friends lovers associates or come again))

I located and identified my placement in that line I got to hear how some people aren’t aware of my placement and I got to realize how some people will not accept accountability for the placement of me !!! okay ,  I have accepted:  that I caused myself to get to that placement because I didn’t cause myself to get higher than that placement so!!!

  why do I believe I’m going to get me higher it’s not like the placement I am someone else’s notices I’m there and says I want you to be higher what can I do to get you higher in the placements of my life !!!!

Let me tell you I have spoken to individuals to say hey triggering me gets you cut out of my life!!  I’ve grown so much I’ve figured out what my triggers are!!  I figured out how to dismiss the trigger instantly from my brain ,; I figured out how to halt someone in the mist of them speaking a statement that is filled with  my triggers in it!!          when those tables are turned and I’m talking to the people !   the person then looks at me crazy for asking a clarity question but never looks in the mirror to see how their face looks the whole time!      

where I’m at in life I believe  my grown Hood has allowed me to  remember my childhood while continuing my friendly existence..